Raising Cain
by BillSiriusLestrange
Summary: Harry James Potter, he is a smart-arse, a playboy, a rich-youth and now he is grumpy. Why? He has to protect or cheer on his annoying little brother in the Tri-wizard Tournament. From sandy beaches to cold highlands. wooped de doo. Set in 2014, Modern stuff WOOH! Warning: contains- swearing, violence, alcohol use, sexual situations and excessive use of sarcasm
1. Chapter 1: gitty little brother

_"Hello all, did you know that I own Harry Pot-"*struggles whilst inhales knock out drug from intruder*..."he doesn't own anything...and you didn't see me"_

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><p><strong>Raising Cain<strong>

_C1: Gitty Little Brother_

He didn't understand why he was going; he knew practically everything, his mutt of a Godfather made sure of that; after travelling the Earth since he was 6 years old and being taught quite a lot from several different masters in various different Magical and Muggle areas, eighteen year old Harry James Potter knew and so did is flea-ridden Godfather, that he was extremely good in the experience and knowledge section of life, from Potions to Ancient Rituals and Mathematics to Nuclear bloody physics.

Obviously being such a smart-arse, Harry took his OWLS and NEWTS and Muggle GCSEs early, and what did he do when he got his results, well like any other smart-arse would do, he just passed them over to his Godfather without even reading what results he got; his Godfather's loud and happy exclamation whilst spitting out his Coco Pops meant that he did well…..*cough*Os or O+s in everything and grades As and A*s in all of his Muggle lessons*cough*

What was worse, his little brother was going to be there! Of course Harry had heard about how his four year younger brother lorded over everyone else: 'I'm the boy-who-lived', 'If it wasn't for me, you'd be all dead'. Christ almighty had he heard the bloody stories. Unfortunately the stupid bloody git got him-self entered into The Tri-Wizard Tournament.

This meant that Harry, being a relation to the fourteen year old Gareth had to travel from the lovely beach in Australia where he was spooning a lovely Aussie Lass after a night of drinking and shagging, to taking several Portkeys across the bloody globe to get to spiffing England and board the SPIFFING 'Hogwarts's Express', to "Cheer on/protect" his ickle brother.

Now you may be wondering why big brother Harry dislikes little brother Gareth, so instead of a flashback I'll put it in a simple paragraph: Voldemort goes to Godric's Hollow all evil looking and nasty on October the Thirty-first Two thousand, goes to the Potter's Cottage where James, Lily, Harry and little Gareth Potter live in hiding from the Red Eyes Nasty, due to a Prophecy that stated the one born at the end of July would get rid of Red Eyes Nasty. Now both Harry and Gareth were born on July the Thirty-first….you see where this is going don't you. James and Lily went out for a dinner party at the Ministry and leave Peter 'Wormtail' Pettigrew to babysit four year old Harry and one year old Gareth.

Peter lets Red Eyes Nasty in the Potter Cottage, tries to kill Harry the-raven-messy-haired-green-eyed-one first, things go tits up and the so called Killing Curse rebounds off wee little Harry and decimates Red Eyes Nasty. The roof cracks and a piece of wood cracks little boring-brown-dull-hair-dull-brown-eyed Gareth on the forehead leaving him a nasty scar shaped like the letter V. Wards go off, James, Lily, Sirius, Remus (Gareth's Godfather) and Dumbledore apparate into Nursery, see Peter knocked out with his left sleeve rolled up showing off his cool skull 'n' serpent tattoo to the Lead of Light, aaanndd BOOM Azkaban for Ratty. Dumbledore sees the scar on little Gareth's forehead and instantly he is crowned Boy-who-lived.

Now what happened to four year old Harry, well he was ignored for a year until his Godfather 'nicked' the five year old, and went touring the world for a very…very long time. Since then, Harry James Potter learnt many things, as we know he was a natural at learning things, he was a sponge, thus the outstanding results. He could fly a broom like it was another limb attached to his body, due to the travelling he learnt many languages including Magical ones e.g. Mermish, Gobbledegook and Troll.

He trained and worked out several hours every day giving him a lean and muscled body and he stood a proud 6"2. He made money with his Godfather doing not so legal things and winning tournaments. Harry may not have had a girlfriend longer than a week but that was due to the gypsy lifestyle he and his Godfather lived. Now when I say gypsy you think caravans….no, no, no. Luxury Gypsy was more the words that described the two travellers. Five to seven star hotels, shopping for expensive clothes in Magical and Muggle worlds, technology, concerts, and the list can go on.

Now though, he, Harry James Potter, playboy, smart-arse, rich-gypsy, fighter and adrenaline junkie was sat extremely bored in his own compartment on the dreary Hogwarts's Express all because someone may want to kill his little brother. Both the guy who wants to kill his brother and his brother has personally ruined his September First, Twenty-fourteen.

"…Wankers…" Harry grumbled whilst pulling his black hoodie over his head and falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2: Hello dearest oh bro of mine

"I own Harry Po-" *BOOM* 'a soldier stepped out from behind a car to look at the debris in front of him' "Hmmm.." He said "...the anti-I own Harry Potter mines work like a charm!"

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><p><strong>Raising Cain<strong>

_C2: Hello dearest oh bro of mine…._

Harry waited outside the Great Hall, his Godfather had said before he got on the train that he will personally announce him into the hall. He also said that he will DEFINITELY know when he needs to come in.

'OH GOD' Harry winced, if his Godfather knew at least one thing. That thing would definitely be dramatic entrances.

He looked down at his clothes; one way to piss off a Pureblood is to wear all Muggle fashion (except maybe his dragon hide vest underneath everything). Black loose army boots, torn dark blue denim skinny jeans, a brown belt with real silver belt-buckle, an oversized white heavy cotton t-shirt that stopped just below his hips, a black hoodie and an ocean blue pea coat. Accessories include a backwards dragon tooth stretcher in his left ear, several simple metal rings on his right hand, his auto-eject wand holster clipped onto his right arm and to touch the look off, several concealed throwing knives littered around his body. Harry conjured a mirror with a wave of his hand and checked to see if he needed anything else, automatically he ran a hand through his hair. Perfect. First impressions are always one thing Harry liked to get right.

'Piss off the Pureblood bigots and take no prisoners when it comes to going against Dumbles….bring it on!' Harry thought whilst straightening his hood over his coat. Suddenly there was a loud clearing of the throat that echoed in the Great Hall. Then what sounded like a WWE announcer, Sirius Black's voice drifted into Harry's ears.

"Laaaaadies and Gentleman…" 'ah shit' Harry moaned "…Children of all ages…" 'Hate you Mutt!' "…I, Sirius Orion Black, am proud to introduce…" 'He's dead meat' Harry growled as he stood in front of the double doors "…The one, the only, HARRY JAMES POTTERRRR!" Harry mentally shrugged and flicked both of his wrists; the doors blew open and slammed into the walls. 'Well if he wants an entrance, I'll give him a bloody entrance…'

Everyone in the Great Hall spun on their seats as the Great Hall doors nearly flew off there hinges. A tall dark figure stood in the doorway, as he took a step forward the candles all went out. Whisperings started among the four house tables. A minute later, an almighty scream rang throughout the hall and then the candles flickered back on. Everyone looked around until they heard a sharp intake of breath. Looking up, one would see Sirius Black dressed in a pink tutu and tiara, hanging upside down from the roof, his face covered in make-up and his hair styled into a fifties beehive. A low chuckled met everyone's ears and they looked to the head table; sitting on the edge of the table was a tall, messy raven haired man whose green eyes sparkled with mirth. His wand was in his hand until he flicked his wrist and it vanished into thin air.

"Ah dear Sirius, I know how you liked dancing and women, but c'mon, this is a tad far…" the man's voice was silky and calm; they could hear grumbles from above from Sirius.

"What's that? You want down? Fine, I Harry James Potter takes mercy on one Sirius Orion Black" then with a wave of his hand, Sirius Black appeared back in his seat next to Severus Snape looking completely normal except for the tomato shade of colour on his face. The pupils of Hogwarts turned to look back at Harry Potter; he was sporting a grin that held mischief in its depths, as he peered around the hall, his glinting green eyes landed on his brother Gareth Potter, whom like Sirius, was a shade of deep red.

"Ello Ickle brother!" Harry called out across the Hall to the Gryffindor table, he waved his hand. Gareth turned purple.

"My oh my, don't you look pleased to see your big brother, no hugs or 'what's up bros?' for me?" Sirius knew Harry was trying to get under his little brother's skin with the over the top innocent voice. Harry slipped off the Head Table; the teachers including both James and Lily watched with a held breath as Harry strolled over to his brother and looked down at him with a cheeky grin on his face.

"How's my Ickle Brother?!..." Harry tugged on Gareth's red cheek; if looks could kill then Harry would be saying hi to Death any second now. "…aww look at you, all grown up, I remember when you shat yourself as a little baby, those were one stinky little poos, aye little brother!" Harry's face could snap in half with the smile he had on his mug, he saw in the corner of his eye as Sirius, Severus Snape and two identical boys with ginger hair (most likely twins) covered their mouths with their hands and napkins, their bodies shaking.

Now to add the cherry to the top of the cake…

"Can you remember when you, a two year old tried to use the toilet?!" The whole hall went deathly quiet, including Sirius, Snape and the twins as they listened to Harry literally destroy the boy-who-lived reputation, if he had much anyway.

"Oh yes, I can remember ickle Gareth wanting to show off by trying to use the loo at two!" Gareth himself went chalk white, all colour leaving his face, his eyes asking…no begging for mercy. "That's right, I heard a loud squeal and dashed from my room, our parents running up the stairs, I opened the door first, aaanndd what did I see…?" Now Harry held an evil smirk

"Ickle Gareth's arse was inside the toilet and his ickle legs were pointing straight up, trapped ickle Gareth was, trapped inside a toilet. Oh I have that memory clearly burnt into my mind" There was quiet for a few seconds before an almighty bark of laughter came from the Head Table, everyone twisted their necks quickly, several cracks echoed and they saw something that will forever be astonishing. Severus Snape was in tears of laughter, his black long hair hanging over his face, his body shaking; this of course set Sirius off and one by one student and teachers started laughing.

"QUIET!" everyone shut up instantly to see Albus Dumbledore stood up looking slightly cross.


	3. Chapter 3: A Tale of Cracked Nuts

Slight crossover with Skulduggery Pleasant in this chapter (written by Derek Landy)

"I own Harry Potter Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaarrrgh..." *BAM* *BAM* BAM* BAM* "Hulk knowns puny human doesn't own Harry Potter series, so Hulk do what Hulk did to Puny arrogant God!"

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><p><strong>Raising Cain<strong>

_C3: A tale of cracked Nuts_

Harry twisted on the ball of his right foot to look at Albus Too-many-bloody-names Dumbledore.

"You bellowed m'lord?" Harry said standing to attention and saluted him mockingly. The headmaster glared at Harry; however his face relaxed and a soft smile crept up.

"Hello my boy!" he said jovially, his eyes twinkling a bit more than usually

'Creepy decrepit man…" Harry thought and bowed slightly, his raven locks dangling over his eyes slightly before he pushed his hand once again through them.

"It be lovely to see the famous castle that be ye old 'Ogwarts!" Harry replied in the same fashion that Dumbledore did.

"Yes, I bet it was an impressive sight for you?" Goat-man asked, Harry looked around again before settling his eyes back on the headmaster, he then shrugged his shoulders and put on a bored face

"Meeeehhh…seen better to be honest" Harry said, he heard a startled scream of outrage behind him and turned to see a cute Bushy-haired girl at the Gryffindor looking rather distraught.

"Is there a problem Miss…?" Harry lent his head slightly at Dumbledore "Granger" he whispered "…Granger!" Harry gave a cocky lob sided grin at the fourth year making her blush a little.

"Y-you said that you have seen better?" The Granger girl asked looking a little embarrassed that she was centre of attention now.

"I did say that. Your point being?" Harry raised an eyebrow; Granger now looked a little miffed.

"What can be more beautiful than Hogwarts?!" she asked, a few Beauxbaton students scoffed at the question.

"Muggleborn, correct?" Harry asked smiling warmly now, Granger looked confused for a second at the sudden question before nodding slowly.

"Ah well then, you wouldn't have heard about the many schools that are located around the world that are in secret locations! My personal favourite is The Tibetan High Academy of Magic! Up in the mountains, a large structure that is held up by wards and various other magics; best view you could possible imagine when waking up there!" Harry said dreamily reminiscing. Granger now sat wide eyed her mouth ajar.

"Ahem" Harry turned to look at Dumbledore again with a questioning look.

"Would you tell us where you have been maybe?"

"I can't OBVIOUSLY tell you everything Old Timer, however I can tell you that if I went to get a high paying job in either of these worlds then I could probs get the best" he winked at the headmaster.

"Nothing?" The headmaster asked, not wanting to resort to Legilimency on the boy.

"Well there was the months where I lived in Ireland for a while, met a girl named Valkyrie Cain and her partner Skulduggery Pleasant, they were some awesome months, gorgeous girl, amazing Elemental and Necromancer, learnt a few things from Skulduggery as well. Was my longest girlfriend of a week and two days I think…" he trailed of thinking.

"What did you learn from this…Skulduggery?" Dumbledore asked snapping Harry out of his thoughts of the stunning girl who had an amazing right hook. Sirius whispered something to Snape making the Potions Master lean in to hear Harry's response.

"Skulduggery told me that Wizards/Witches are extremely arrogant due to Magic and this makes them as crap at combat as oil is good at putting out a fire"

"How does that make us arrogant?" Dumblydork asked looking confused; a few pureblooded students looked peeved at being called arrogant.

"Well a good example is when I was walking around Dublin at night, around one in the morning, been drinking a little so was heading back to my flat; when a wizard around mid-thirties walked up to me out of the shadows and grabbed be, got his wand out and threatened to kill me if I didn't serve his every needs…and I mean EVERY needs" A few pupils looked disgusted whilst the younger years looked perplexed.

"Go on" Dumbledore urged.

"I being slightly squiffy at the time didn't want to use my magic just in case I blew a hole in the side of a building, so I pulled out my Walther P22 silenced" Harry took the pistol out of his jacket and waved it around for a second before putting it back in.

"The wizard in front of me scoffed, stuck his nose up in the air and haughtily announced that no filthy Muggle weapon can harm a wizard, but no, just not any wizard…a pureblooded wizard at that." Now Harry was grinning, the memory was etched into his mind, he had told Sirius, Skulduggery and Valkyrie of what had exactly happened and they were in tears for a long time…well except for Skulduggery who doesn't have tear ducts.

"I bet you were terrified!" Harry looked over his left shoulder to see a blonde Slytherin standing up, but he ignored the lad's comment and carried on.

"So whilst the man was giggling like a little girl at my 'filthy Muggle weapon' I did what any other person in my situation would do" Harry looked like a mad scientist about to finish his insane creation, his hands rubbing together in excitement. Severus leaned in further.

"And that would be…?" Dumbledore was dreading the answer.

"I shot the arrogant twat in the bollocks"

Silence, complete silence. Harry looked pleased with himself, Sirius was stifling his laughter, he also remembers when Harry told him about what happened, but he knew the punchline was still to come.

"Y-y-you shot him…?" Dumbledore gasped, Harry rocked back and forth on his feet nodding his head, his eyes sparkling with mirth.

"…in the balls" The green eyed lad finished.

"YOU HARMED A PUREBLOODED WIZARD!?" blondie yelled, his wand pointed at Harry, his face purple. Harry turned his full body to face the boy, he squinted at him a second before grinning.

"You aren't by any chance Draco Malfoy?" Harry asked, the blonde boy puffed his chest out slightly, looked down his nose at the taller boy and held his gaze at Harry.

"I am Draconis Lucius Malfoy, heir to the Ancient House of Malfoy, Pureblood and higher ranker than you!" He said pompously

"You definitely are a ranker, that's for sure" Harry mumbled, before grinning again.

"So that means you are Lucius's lad then?"

"Of course, you idiot"

"Could you pass on a message for me to your dear daddy?" Harry asked innocently and in a baby's voice. Draco raised an eyebrow.

"And what would my father want to know from a low life like you Potter?"

"Oh, just one ickle thing!" Harry saw Sirius was gonna explode any second now.

"What is it then?!" Malfoy was slightly red, not a good colour to clash with his pale cheeks, luminous nearly.

"Ask him from me, no wait say "the raven haired, green eyed lad you met in Ireland wanted to know if you ever found your second testicle…?"


	4. Chapter 4: An Agreement of Some Sort

_*Hides behind sofa* "Sorry...sorry...I started Uni a couple of weeks ago and...and...and I have a lot of work, please don't hurt me...look I bring an update!...I also own Harry Po-" *Gets vaporised by reviewer* "He don't own shit..." _

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><p><strong>Raising Cain<strong>

_C4: an agreement of some sort_

James Potter looked at his youngest son, slouching in his seat in Dumbledore's office, then next to him, with one leg crossed over the other, his coat and hoodie hung neatly over the back of his chair, and a glass of whiskey in one hand, was his eldest son. He could immediately tell the difference between his sons, one was selfish and had an ego the size of the moon and the other was selfish and had an ego the size of Jupiter, however, compared to Gareth's personality, James could tell that Harry, had worked for his planet sized ego-ness and damn hard if the scars on his arms where any sign.

That's if you could see the scars that is, Harry had tattoos, a lot of tattoos, from skulls to Japanese text, Day of the Dead women, lyrics, birds, lions, swords and a Chinese dragon wrapped tightly around his upper left arm then flames bursting out of its mouth that turned into a woman with blue hair and red eyes. A work of art.

"James!" James snapped his gaze away from his eldest son's arms to twist his around to look at his exasperated wife.

"Yes dear?" she glared at him before thwacking him one around the head.

"I asked you what you thought about our eldest son having tattoos! TATTOOS JAMES?!" Lily exclaimed, her red hair ruffled, cheeks pink and her hands in a tight fists. James looked at the other occupants of the room to see their reaction to the tattoos. Gareth looked miffed, either about his brother being there or that he wanted a cool tattoo, Sirius behind Harry looked indifferent, probably because he persuaded Harry to get them, Snape look intrigued by them, his black eyes scanning each piece of art ingrained into Harry's skin, Dumbledore just smiled, most likely he didn't really give a toss if Harry had dozens of tattoos or just one, Minerva had a small grin on her face.

'Did Minnie want a tattoo? Does Minnie HAVE a tattoo?!' James went pale thinking about the places on his old Transfiguration Professors body in which she could be hiding a tattoo. Then James's eyes cast back to his scandalised wife, clearly, she did not approve of the tattoos. Or was it Harry's personality and appearance in a whole?

"I think they look pretty cool to be honest" James said grinning at Harry, who looked surprised for half a second before smirking, he took a sip of his whiskey and winked at James.

"WHAT!?" Everyone except Harry and Dumbledore either shrunk back a little or winced in terror of Lily Potter nee Evans's loud remark. James knew he was in the doghouse tonight.

"The tats get the women…that's for sure" Harry said offhandedly taking another sip from his glass. James saw Lily's eyes darken even further, she slowly turned and looked Harry dead in the eye, and he just looked back, his mouth quirking upsides slightly at the edges.

"You use them to get women into bed?!" Lily said in an ice breaking tone, she slowly dipped her head closer to Harry so she was nearly nose to nose. Harry being the dick he knew he was, just raised an eyebrow and then raised his hand so his four fingers where shown.

"Four women Mother, one in North America, two in….Italy, fun forty eight hours that was, and one in Russia" He closed his fingers as he counted the women, Lily's gaze could have set snow on fire.

"Ah yes, Sarah, Anjelica & Dorotea and Viktoriya" Sirius said, his face dreamy, and then he scowled.

"Did you ever ask Dorotea to give her number for me?" Sirius asked, Harry put a thinking face on then shrugged.

"I did ask, but she said that if she ever wanted "The Ride of Her Life" again, then she would just call me…" Harry trailed off seeing the apocalypse about to come to in his mother's face. James saw Sirius look crest fallen and mumble something on the lines of 'They always say that…'

"Anyway!" Dumbledore announced making James jump about fifty feet.

"We are here to ask a favour of you Harry" He said looking over his half-moon glasses. Harry leaned forward in his chair. James could see the gears turning in his eldest sons head.

"Go on" Harry said raising an eyebrow

"I cannot help your younger brother in the tournament, it is against the rules and if I even try…well let's just say it's painful" Dumbledore explained, Harry grinned evilly thinking of how the old man had probably tried to help his brother, he then frowned and looked at Dumbledore intently.

"What do I get out of this?" Harry asked, his mind thinking of all the things he could use from the library, especially the Restricted Section.

"You will have peace of mind knowing that your brother is safe" As soon as Dumbledore said those last words, Sirius burst out laughing.

"Y-y-you really t-think that H-Harry gives a d-damn if his brother is safe o-or not?!" Sirius stuttered between laughs.

"Of course, after all, Gareth is Harry's little brother" Albuskus looked perplexed at the laughing man in front of him.

"Harry would set up a betting pool and then bet that Gareth would snuff it in the first task!" Sirius exclaimed before bursting into laughter again, James saw Snape smirk and Harry just nodding in agreement

"The man has a point!" Harry sighed, James saw Harry wave his hand and more liquid appeared in the lad's glass.

"Fine! What about money?!" Dumbledore exclaimed, James had never seen Dumbledore look so annoyed. Harry raised both of his eyebrows.

"Ahh, you speacketh myeth language-eth!" Harry jovially announced. Sirius snickered, Lily looked mortified, Snape shook his head whilst smirking, Gareth looked annoyed and Dumbledore looked peeved. James giggled.

"500 G" Dumbledore said.

"HA YOU'RE FUNNY!" Sirius and Harry shouted, they looked at each other then burst out laughing.

It was many hours later, many cups of coffee, tea and alcohol did Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore come to a final agreement when it came to being paid.

"700 G a month and complete free reign of coming and going from the grounds" Dumbleydore sighed, Harry across from the old man was practically bouncing in his seat, the bottle of whiskey completely empty and a maniacal gleam was in his vibrant green eyes.

"Oh yes, oh yes that will do!" Sirius exclaimed looking mighty happier than his normal happy tirade. James was red in the face from not trying to laugh; he looked at his wife whom had gone a nice shade of puce. Gareth looked flabbergasted.

"700 G A MONTH?! That's more than I get for pocket money?!" he screamed, Harry raised an eyebrow and with a wave of his index finger, Gareth's gob vanished. Harry leaned over his chair and pinched his brother's chubby cheeks and wobbled it, with a granny-like voice he spoke.

"It should be a lot more if I have to train an arrogant little shit like you!" Harry battered his eyelashes at the tomato faced Gareth.

James couldn't hold it any longer; he fell to the floor laughing. Severus was at the stage before laughing, Minerva was chuckling and Lily's left eye was twitching.


End file.
